You are viewing unbewithable

Mar. 12th, 2009

bb

(no subject)

i get drunk in the evening wondering who i could call
it's lonely to realize i have no one at all
and i feel kinda depressed enough to start on those pills
it never gets real but it keeps getting me ill

i have a cold bed and i can't bare lying alone
i sleep in the living room trying to make it home
the nights keep getting longer, the clock's the only sound
the way i feel bad about it shows i'm not really asylum bound

i don't know what to do about myself
i can't tell what i'm supposed to feel
i walk around the day-by-day as i'm not really part of it
it takes more than some cigarettes to make me feel ok
i'm scared to death to get up and to live another day

the hpuse is full of friends but my smile is just a fake
pretending i'm normal is more pain than i an take
i don't know what normal is, but i guess it feels ok
hope is not enough, it's a game i'm tired to play

i eat to feel full, but it's not working anymore
i just feel emptier as i never felt before
the ghosts behind the mirror are whispering this is it
they say if i can't take it i should not exist

and i can't really feel my fingertips
they are as cold as hell
i can't make the ghosts shut up
and i hate what they tell me
so what's the point in singing some things i don't believe
the songs i listen when i'm not sleeping i wish they could be me 
camping out.

(no subject)

so boring. bored to death, i just wanna cry
i really hate myself like this, don't try to make me smile
whenever i look back, there's always something to erase
take back, rewrite, rewind... just don't look me in the face

i wanna forget who i am, today i want you to go
i'm gonna cry, scream, smoke, doubt of all i know
i don't wanna talk today, please, just fade away
doesn't matter what happens to me, they're all bad days

this cuddling close, call it love as you please
but it's just me looking for some warmth
there's just everything to feel bad about
you know you shouldn't be here anymore by now

no matter how much you hope and pray for us, we already deceased
you'll be just a character in my book since i left you here
there's no salvation to this, you knew it would happen sooner or later
and i won't miss anything, i won't keep your eyes, please, stay away

i wanna forget who i am, today i want you to go
i'm so tired of pretending i do love you so
it's suffocating me, like i owe you more
it ends right here, i don't love you anymore

and i just wanna forget who i am, i'll get high all alone
smile like this scary plastic doll, pretending i'm feeling home
i don't want to see you today, you could just fade away
i just want some peace for a while, forget me for a day

it was supposed to be a song, but i always overwrite everything.
 

Mar. 1st, 2009

bb

(no subject)

i can't sleep. i went to bed after six in the morning and i'm already up.
that's getting messed up, i'm starting to have these deep and dark panda eyes. not attractive at all.
but it's impossible to fall asleep and have a quality sleeping time. its TOO hot!

and i can't get that disqus thing to work on my tumblr. the day has alread started badly.
camping out.

(no subject)

i have been writing a lot in my own messy handwriting.
i don't know why, but i feel much better writing in pen and paper, it makes a lot more sense to me.
but i'm too lazy to transcribe the things, besides, it loses a lot when transcribed in binary code. the handwriting is messy for a reason.
so, things will be kind of slow, anyway.

i hate being forgotten. perhaps that's why i keep so much imaginary friends.

Feb. 26th, 2009

bb

"if you could travel back in time, what advice would you give yourself in high school?"

hey, dorky me!
stop sleeping around everywhere! you're wasting valuable time you could be doing nothing just sleeping.
i know it feels tiring just to exist, but there's nothing you can do about it, it's our curse.
you don't have to study math that much, in the end you'll never use it and you'll do surprisingly well.
the bad news is that, well, we still are lost and stuck and don't know why we do exist, but the good news is that the feeling of not belonging gets better. you'll get out of that little town soon, for the only place in the country that could hold you for a little more. and it's great here, you can talk to the walls and eat veganly in peace.
i don't know what else to say. i don't want to ruin the surprise factor, or you're going to spend the next five years sleeping too.

oh, and that boy. he's bad for you.
he'll hurt you and take a great part of you with him. but believe me, you won't need it.

xoxo~
the girl you don't want to be, but you will.
bb

(no subject)

it's not like you could save me from myself. i don't even want you to. and i know i can't save you from yourself, i never intended that, i know i'm too small for you.
but i would like to watch you being you. just like that, without interfering in your line of thought.
it aches to know you are so distant you can't feel my eyes stalking you.

... and someday i'll die before i meet you.
 
bb

hello world

ok, one of my goals this month is to start using my lj. i wanted a place to write in english and was almost signing for another blog, but since i've started trying to customizate that thing i gave up. it's too complicated for me right now.
so, i have to learn how to use it properly and hopefully get to know some lovely people through it.
i was thinking about introduce myself, but i have really nothing to say.

hey, i'm claire, and i'm stuck.